One of the most transformative tools I believe every woman should utilize for greater sexual well-being is a practice called: de-armouring.
I know, I know, it sounds like something you would do in the army but stick with me! De-armouring is a process in which we can release our sexual blockages, transform pain and get rid of numbness so we can re-connect to our natural sexual potential and experience more pleasure, wetness, internal orgasms and love. Similar to a deep tissue massage, de-armouring is a process of applying pressure to places of contraction and tightness inside the vaginal canal for the purpose of releasing physical, spiritual and emotional blockages.
During de-armouring, pressure spots are released, toxins are broken down and the blood flow is increased to the sexual tissues, so that emotional, physical, and psychological healing can take place.
I never realised I had a sad vagina
Before I discovered the life-changing practice of de-armouring, I had no idea my vagina was holding onto so much ‘stuff’. It hadn’t occurred to me that all my suppressed sadness, anger, shame and guilt had landed in my vaginal canal and it was limiting my sexual pleasure big time! Sure, I was still experiencing some pleasure, however, my sexual sensations came from my clitoris only. I had never had a G-spot orgasm, and certainly didn’t know what a cervical orgasm was! I thought I was just ‘built that way’. How wonderfully wrong I was! After several sessions of de-armouring, my vagina totally transformed and I was able to not only train myself to experience internal orgasms, I also felt so much more relaxed, lighter and softer down below. It was as though I had done a giant spring clean out of all the yucky non-serving ‘stuff’ that was in my body. I felt more connected to myself than ever before. And my capacity for new and different types of pleasure expanded beyond what I thought was even possible!
Who would benefit from a regular de-armouring practice?
- Feel little or no sensation in your lady parts
- Are constantly in your head during sex
- Experience tightness and/or pain during sex
- Feel limited pleasure (struggle with internal orgasms)
- Experience low self-esteem or body shame
- Experienced trauma
- Feel stuck, blocked, disconnected or just plain ‘meh’ about down there
It’s my opinion that every. single. woman would benefit from a regular de-armouring practice. Our vaginas are super receptive and anything ‘not so awesome’ we experience (comments, pain during sex, sex before we’re fully relaxed and ready, negative cultural messaging, abuse) create held tension or trauma inside our body. This can show up as physical sensations (or lack there-of) and certain behavioral patterns and it profoundly impacts the way sex/pleasure is experienced. Our sexual tissues which would normally be relaxed and open to sexual pleasure or energy moving through them, actually become contracted in different areas. It’s the bodies response to the emotional, physical or energetic pain.
These spots of contraction often located in the vagina are actually pockets of built up pressure and when touched are often sore, numb or create an emotional response such as anger, grief, sadness etc they can also cause numbness in the vagina, anxiety in the bedroom, low libido and sexual shutdown.
But it’s not all bad news! We can self-heal and transform our pain into pleasure via sexual healing practices. My favourite being de-armouring (often referred to as a YONI MASSAGE)
De-armouring ( or a yoni massage ) is a practice that can be done either by yourself or with a trusted partner – however, I’m focusing on solo practice today.
Want your partner to give you the yoni massage? Then you’ll want to race over here to Deeper Dates and check out the RECIEVE date. It will walk them through everything they need to know via videos and PDF’s! This very practice is my swear by, go-to, ultimate tool when it comes to keeping my own sex life epic, so do it on the regular!
Ok, back to solo practice…
You’ll need a dildo, as your fingers may not be able to reach your cervix and it can be difficult and uncomfortable to reach and relax at the same time. I recommend a stone dildo (I have the most beautifully designed obsidian dildos for this very purpose, so check them out here) It will last you a lifetime and it’s one powerful tool for healing and pleasure!
Some helpful tips before you begin:
The most important keys are to listen to your body, go slow and release any and all judgment.
Giving yourself permission to fully express your emotions throughout the massage is crucial. In fact, it’s the whole point! So allow tears, anger, rage, laughter etc to come up and out whenever it needs to. All is welcome, welcome it all! Orgasm is not the point here. Pleasure may arise and pain may also appear. Welcome both and express both. Try not to get trapped in overthinking, stay out of your head as much as you can and let your body just do it’s thing. Trust she knows what and how she needs to release.
I can not stress enough how important it is to express everything that arises! Hold back nothing.
This is important. Before you enter your vagina with a dildo take the time to ensure you’re fully relaxed and have created a level of turn-on in your body. A breasts massage and /or stimulation of your clitoris is super helpful to allow your body to soften and open. So many of us have been penetrated before we are ready which creates tension in our vagina. So take your time and make sure you’re sufficiently turned on. This in and of itself is super healing as you reclaim the power of consent and choice and you create more trust between you and your vagina! This alone for many women is incredibly powerful. So do not enter your body without your body giving you a full YES first.
Once you have permission from your body to enter your vagina, take your stone dildo and very gently with some added lubrication slide it inside the vagina. Then using your dildo look for areas of numbness, pain, or tension. Really focus here. You’re looking for places that feel a little numb or which feel tight or even yucky to touch. When you locate a spot (some places that are commonly in need of de-armouring are the G-spot, the cervix, the entrance to the vagina and the deep vagina) you’re going to hold the dildo there and bring your full attention to that area. Then add further pressure. Yes, you actually push into the pain, or numbness instead of running from it. Move towards it. Now here’s the next really important key. You’re going to express (through sound) anything you’re experiencing and feeling. Feel pain? Sound the pain. Feel anger? Let that anger out. If you need to cry, cry! Keep expressing whatever it is that’s coming up for you until you feel it subside naturally.
I know I’m banging on about it but sounding is the magic pill to healing. You need to express what has been suppressed if you want to transform it! Let it out fully and watch it transform.
After you feel you have completed expressing and releasing from one particular spot (usually 1 min is long enough) remove the pressure gently and ask yourself: what do I need now? It might be that you have had enough for this session, and you want to take a break and journal or cuddle yourself or a partner. Whatever it is, honor that. If you feel like you would like to keep going, find another place of pain, contraction or pressure within your vagina and repeat the process. You can de-armour the entire vagina in one go or work through different areas over several sessions, it’s totally up to you. Many women need regular de-armouring sessions to fully heal and release past (and new) sexual blockages and traumas. You’ll notice as do the practice several times, new pleasure may arise from you areas like your g-spot, or cervix. This is great! Now you can use the same techniques of breath and sound to move that pleasure through your body during the massage.
When doing this practice it’s so important to love yourself with everything you’ve got! Only deep, deep awareness and love will support healing. It will allow your body to feel safe enough to express, release and then transform what is coming up for you. Keep your focus on expressing what you feel. Don’t think too much. Just express. Let go of your judgments. Don’t worry about how you look or sound, allow yourself to really go there. Don’t judge it or buy into a story about why you feel the way you do, it doesn’t need to make sense, just honor it, feel it and then let it go.
Got a question about anything covered above? Please reach out to me either here or via my email firstname.lastname@example.org