There are many things I adore about the ancient sacred sexuality teachings of Tantra but one of my ultimate stand out favourites is the principle of reverence.
Oh, how I love reverence! It even sounds like some kind of sexy magic, doesn’t it! And it actually kind of is. Reverence, if you let it, has the power to transform your life, your relationship and the way in which you interact, enjoy and serve in this world.
What is REVERENCE?
Reverence is basically respect dressed up. If you offer your reverence to something you’re bringing your worship, devotion and honour to it. The Tantrics were massively into this and it’s foundational their teachings. Why? Because they saw/see everyone and everything as DIVINE. They love the (sacred) shit out of it all, even the messy, wild, shadowy, flawed and less-than-awesome parts that come with being a human.
Other terms for reverence: love, devotion, appreciation, honour, approval, affection, awe, praise, cherish and treasure.
Now before you think I’m going to ask you to go all goddess-y like and build a shrine to you man mate hold up cowgirl! You don’t need to get so dramatic to feel the magic of reverence rippling through your life. All it takes is a few tweaks, a little shift in perception and a commitment to lean towards love.
Anyone can do it! In fact, I truly believe every single one of us would benefit from dialing up the reverence factor within our relationships.
So what does reverence look like in a relationship?
It’s a commitment to being all in, even when the shit hits the fan. It’s the courage to stay and sort through the mess. It’s having their back. A recognition that your partner is perfectly imperfect and growing and learning just like you. It’s knowing that they’re more than just their ‘outsides’. A state of constant curiosity. Daily actions of deep connection. An understanding that LOVE wins. A stripping away of ‘stories’ ‘judgements’ and ‘expectations’ in order to focus on the bigger picture.
When reverence flows freely within a relationship it can be felt, seen and heard. It’s found in the way couples speak to one another, the way in which they tackle conflict, the way they have sex, keep one another safe, respect boundaries, make time for one another and how they view the relationship as a whole.
Something to ponder: Without reverence for one another, what’s the point of it all? If you’re not offering your highest commitment, devotion and respect to your partner what are you giving instead?
One of the best ways to show reverence for our partners is through appreciation/gratitude. It’s said by some spiritual smart cookies that ‘gratitude is the attitude of enlightenment’ and they’re pretty damn right! When you begin to look at something with love, the petty details fall away. The positive is amplified. What we give our attention to we charge and amplify. Sadly, most of us are far more focused on what’s not working, than what is. We’re quick with criticism and slow with appreciation. So let’s flip the switch and soak our partnerships with gratitude and see what happens. My hunch is your honey will be feeling way more seen, supported, loved and worthy in no time!
It’s time to ramp up the reverence baby and here are a few suggestions to get you started:
Try this: Every so often when you retire to bed spend 5 minutes or so telling one
another what it is you appreciate about the other. Now this may sound corny, but give it
a go. I think it feels rather nice going to bed swimming in a sea of gratitude and heart soaring thoughts about myself and my partner rather than scolling through videos of cats and cucumbers.
Try this: A Thank You Cleanse. For 7 days authenically thank your partner (or yourself) 5 times each day for something they did, said, gave, showed up for, contributed to, or for just being them! Rule one: they must be genuine appeciation bombs! No half hearted “Meh thanks ” around here buddy! Allow your full gratitude to bubble up and let it rip. Nothing is too small! Love the way your partner asks if you want a cuppa before bed? Share that. Enjoyed a wonderful, high connection, no distractions chat over a yummy dinner? Let your partner know how lovely that was for you and why. Open your heart and let your mouth do the talking!
Try this: Ask your partner “how can I best offer you support and love today?” Again, it may sound cheesy but here’s why it’s great to actually ask. Often, we demonstarte our love and support etc in ways in which we ourselves would like to recieve it. BUT that doesn’t mean our partner recieves the messages of love in the same way. YOU may love long walks and talks holding hands on the beach. HE may love it when you watch his soccer team play. Never assume you know what your partner is needing. Ask them! For more info on this check out the 5 Love Languages here.
Now go forth and supercharge your relationships with the magic of reverance. Feel free to report your findings down below in the comment section. I’d love to hear what shifts for you!
In total reverance!