We need to talk about
because it’s seriously, SERIOUSLY messing with our mo-jo.
Stress is responsible for a whole truckload of undesirable physical, emotional and relationship problems. And it can cause major issues in the bedroom.
Nothing will kill desire quicker than stress, my dear friend.
It will also block or limit your ability to get turned on and mess with your orgasms, big time!
There is a small percentage of peeps who actually have the opposite reaction to stress. Stress for them leads to increased sexual interest, which is also a VERY normal response as well.
But for the majority of us, stress is really really shitty for our s*x life.
Well, when you’re stressed, you’re in the stress response cycle (the whole fight, flight or freeze thingo) and you’re too preoccupied with your own survival and safety to care about any reverse cowgirl action. You’re firing off a bunch of adrenaline and cortisol and your nervous system is going haywire.
Great stuff, if you facing off with a tiger, but not so great if you’re wanting a little bedroom romance.
And here’s the thing…
Most of us are responding to ‘tiny tigers’ all day long. I’m not talking about actual tigers, obviously, I’m talking about the more subtle day to day stressors.
But it makes no difference to your body.
A threat is a threat. An overwhelming To-Do list can feel the same as a 160kg gorilla coming for you. Different stimulus, same reaction.
Now our stress response cycle is a wonderful and useful system and it should move us from reaction to relaxation.
BUT many of us just aren’t getting to the ‘rest and digest’ part which balances everything out. We don’t empty out our stress bucket, so to speak, which leads to more and more…stress.
Which is bad. Very bad.
Because now we’re creating contractions within our body, like pockets of tightness and it’s blocking our energy. It creates a sort-of deep freeze within the body, creating numbness, disconnection and you guessed it…
it’s goodbye sex drive.
Wait! Stuck energy?
I get that “energy” may seem a bit “woowoo” or weird but I promise you, you’re about to have some big Aha’s in just a moment!
There’s nothing strange or magical about energy. It runs through our entire body. It’s our bioelectrical charge, our inner juice, our power source.
Ever felt drained, fatigued, depressed? Perhaps you were ill, stressed-out or over-worked? How engaged with life were you? How inspired, excited or open were you to the world around you? Did you feel sexy? Radiant? Probably not.
This a great example of low energy. Energy is the currency of life and it affects everything!
The more free flowing energy we have, the better everything gets!
So how does all this relate to more action in the sack?
I’m glad you asked!
Passion, desire, arousal, and orgasms are all dependent on free-flowing (sexual) energy moving through us.
It’s the fuel to light our sexual fire. Stress not only blocks this energy on a physical level, it also shuts things down on a mental level as well.
Want more or better sex? Assess your stress. Get clear on where and how it shows up in your life.
Then reduce it.
That means taking a good hard look at where your time, attention, energy and effort is going.
Now, this is going to be tricky for most of us because…well we’re superwomen and we can do it all.
But we can’t really, can we? Not when our bliss is at stake.
So try this…
Write down everything that causes you to tense up a little. Everything you’d say no to if you could. Everything that feels like an energy sucker rather than an upper.
Then commit to letting go of at least two of those bad boys for real. As in strike them off the list and DO NOT DO THEM.
Feel what it does to your body. Is there a little more spaciousness? A little less weight and a fraction more lightness?
The goal here is to create SPACE for desire to thrive by removing some of that pesky stress that could be blocking it.
So start small and take one baby step today.
But for now, go and access your stress and take some action to reduce it.
Stress fighters unite!