The most important C-word in Relationships!

Do you know what I think is strange?

The fact that we learn A LOT of pointless, unnecessary, never going be used EVER, stuff in high school, yet no one really teaches us what it takes to create great relationships.

And because, many of us, didn’t benefit from healthy relationships modelled at home, we are left to muddle through the mess of merging lives the best we can.

But do you know what I think is AWESOME?

That you’re here. With me. Exploring this whole better relationship thing and diving a little deeper than most people do. I dig that. I think it takes courage and commitment, so I just wanted to say thank you for being here.

Today I want to talk about one of the BIGGEST game changers when it comes to cultivating and sustaining epic relationships.


If I had to choose just ONE thing that every. single. couple should focus on, it would be actively and continuously seeking out connection with one another.

Because connection my dear lovebirds, is the magic sauce, the secret ingredient, the goddamn superglue, in epic relationships.

It can turn a dying relationship into a thriving one.

Connection brings people together. It leads to devotion, trust, closeness, safety and powerful bonding. Connection opens hearts, brings down walls and allows real and true intimacy to develop.

The tantric’s got it (they go bonkers on practices that cultivate deep connection!) and even the modern-day mac daddy of relationship science John Gottman, reckons that continuously turning towards your partner and recognizing each other’s needs and bids for connection is what will lead to the success of your relationship.

So if connection is so important, why aren’t we connecting enough?


Because: busyness, kids, to-lists, work, social media, Netflix, tiredness, complacency, laziness, habit and distraction.

Because connection means pause. It means presence, awareness, attention and for many of us, we have become used to looking away rather than looking towards one another.

And so we miss the kiss at the start of the day, we bypass the bedtime cuddle, we skip the “how was your day?” over dinner and forget the cheeky fondle by the refrigerator.

We become consumed by the doing of everyday life that we miss the magic of connecting to what really matters most.

So come back to one another. Regularly. Make it a habit to carve out time to talk (and really hear each other!) Touch each other more. Look into each other’s eyes – it will explode your heart, I promise you! Slow down and notice something new about your partner every day. Wink at them from across the room. Slow dance. Hold hands when you fall asleep. Play with their hair when you watch telly. Ask them for their opinion. Make love to connect rather than to orgasm. Reveal your heart more. Let them in.

As women, one of our greatest desires/needs is to be SEEN. To be really, truly seen by our partner. To be known and to be held in that. That’s some heart-opening stuff right there.

Prioritizing connection will do just that…

it’s truly the stuff of magic.

A little home play for ya.

Each day this week, find a way to connect to your love. Big or small. It could be a sweet text, a lingering kiss, a joint bath, a check-in over dinner, a cheeky bum grab, a TV-free evening spent in bed, a deeper conversation…

Don’t overcomplicate it, just keep it simple and see what happens.

Turn towards each other…not away.


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