One of the things I dig most about my sexuality (and sexy activities) is the different ‘flavours’ I discover within it.
Just like the scrumptious line-up of delicious gelato at the local ice creamery, I’m constantly surprised at how sex and my sexual self can be experienced in an array of different ways.
Sometimes its big, bold and powerful. Other times it’s soft and subtle and more inwards focused. There are times when I make love and it feels meditative, healing and nourishing. Other times it’s explosive and outrageously activating to the point where it verges on overwhelming.
Often I don’t share my sex. I keep it just for me. I linger over my bodily delights and take my time in digesting every little bit. For me, it’s not a ‘guilty pleasure’ but a divine superfood. It’s my spiritual practice that I call on to draw me back into myself when the world is pulling me out. I release, recharge and expand within it.
And then there are times when I’m so ravenous for my partner, almost needy and certainly greedy that I stumble upon a new ‘flavour’ altogether. I encounter an unexpected, edge-pushing, bliss explosion that leaves me full for days.
I crave the coziness of vanilla when I’m tired or a little sad. The lusciousness of chocolate when I’m relaxed and have more time for longer playdates. The gentleness of strawberry when I’m holding something in and crave a space to release it and the playfulness of cookies and cream often on a Friday night after one too many wines.
But if I had to choose a favorite?
Our sexuality is an extension of who we are in that moment. It is an expression of our inner truth. That’s the magic of it. It allows us to open up, share, connect, grow and by doing so make actual love. When we contain our sex or our sexuality to only one ‘flavour’ we limit our sexual freedom. It leads us to pop our sexuality in the freezer and only take it out when a ‘proper’ occasion calls for it.
It becomes one-dimensional.
We separate our sexuality from our everyday life. We place conditions on it and because of that, it becomes harder to enjoy all the variations and facets of a rich, authentic sexual diet.
But what would change if you gave yourself the permission to play with all the flavors of the sexual buffet? What if you allowed yourself to make love when you were sad. Or self-pleasure when you were anxious or pissed off. If you played in the flavor of tenderness one night and then explored an entirely different one the next. What if you started in one flavor but allowed yourself to dip into another halfway through because it’s what your body was yearning for at the moment?
Could you ever get bored of exploring your sexuality this way?
I don’t reckon
So to get you on the flavor train here are a few ways you can tap into, and explore different sensual delights
FYI- I always find music really helps to support different moods/flavors, and you can find my suggestions and playlists here.
1- Taste the flavor of connection
Whilst making love, slow right down. Place one hand on your own heart and the other on your partner’s heart (it can be easier if you’re on top) Draw the sexual energy (or the sensations you’re feeling in your ladyparts) from your yoni (vagina) up into your heart and then let it cycle back down. Imagine it’s like a current of warm liquid that you’re pulling up and into your heart on the inhale and on the exhale letting it trickle back down. Go slow, focus on the breath. Extra points if you can look into each other’s eyes as you circle the energy/sensations/liquid up to your heart as you gently continue love making.
2- Taste the flavor of erotic tension
Ask your partner to sit on a chair or the bed a little bit away from you. Pop a super sensual piece of music on and keeping eye contact move your body in a way that feels sensual and sexy for you. Tap into the beautiful erotic creature that is within you. Keep it authentic though. Don’t perform. Try not to fall into what you think will look sexy. Feel it instead. Maintain eye contact as much as possible. Let them see you fully in your zone of powerful sensuality. Use the flavor of the dance to guide you into intimate contact. Touch your partner as the seductress. Engage with your partner from space of your inner erotic enchantress. Play in the realm of your sexual powerhouse #girlboss
( Doing this solo into a mirror is off the hook amazing! Dance for yourself. Seduce yourself. Watch how -if you let her- an insanely sensual goddess is just hiding within you, dying to come out and be celebrated and expressed. Give yourself the permission to go there)
3- Taste the flavor of self-love – solo practice
Begin by turning yourself on. Be sure to breathe deeply in and out. On the exhale release a little sound (or at least an mmm or ahh sound to get over any embarrassment at first) on the exhale. Go slow and pay attention to what you feel. Relax and allow your body to open. You may like to squeeze your pelvic floor to match your breathing. Spend 10 minutes ( at least) pleasuring your yoni, breathing deeply and expressing any sounds that arise organically.
When you feel turned on, continue to self-pleasure with one hand and bring the other to your heart. Repeat the words “I love and accept myself” as you continue towards and through orgasm.
If an orgasm arises allow any emotions to be released. Allow any sounds to be released. Then come back to stillness holding one hand on your heart and the other over your yoni (vagina)
Again come back to repeating “I love and accept myself”. Allow your body to bathe in your self-love, compassion, kindness and reverence.